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Blame + Surrender in Relationships part 2

March 2, 2017
Blame + Surrender in Relationship compare

Being blamed for being (or having) what others think they aren’t (or don’t have) is not uncommon.

We probably don’t realise how much we compare ourselves to those around us, to those in our field (including people on television and social media). In fact, it becomes so invisible that we think our dislike of these people with their happy faces and successful lives is just about them. It’s not.


Q. If it wasn’t about anyone else, what would it be about?

This is the question I ask myself when I feel a story coming on about someone else. But what about when it’s someone else making up stories about you? What do you do with that?


Okay, first of all let’s clarify a few things:

1. Everyone is motivated my the desire to feel loved – to feel safe in their stories about the world (even when those stories tell them life is shit); to feel belonging (even when the place they fit makes them special as an anomaly); and to mean something (even if that meaning makes their experience miserable).

2. Life is a conversation with the cosmos – no exceptions. Being able to see your emotions and situations as a conversation is the key to an effortless life. Not being able to see life as a conversation is the story explaining the world in terms of separation i.e. good-vs-bad, right-vs-wrong, reward-vs-punishment, high-vs-low, positive-vs-negative, distress-vs-relief, ignorance-vs-wisdom, victim-vs-perpetrator, shallow-vs-deep, resonance-vs-dissonance, chaos-vs-harmony, alignment-vs-ego, and so on.

3. You have one obligation – to be you. All other considerations are not part of seeing life as a conversation, they are instead seeing life as a test or a puzzle or an obstacle course or even a so-called ‘healthy’ challenge.

4. There are no rules when you’re being present. People are not living in an objective reality. We share space as equal and essential aspects of All That Is, invited to pay attention in every moment so we can know thyself and possibly accept thyself playing only by the rules of surrender. Or we have rules.

5. Trust is a lived experience – not an exchange or a badge of merit. Trust either informs our choices, or it doesn’t. We either trust that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, or we don’t. We either trust that we are Divine, perfect for our purpose, or we don’t. You can’t be a little bit pregnant.

6. When people are yelling at you, it’s not about you. It’s not a human politeness issue. It’s a sacred spiritual moment just like every other moment. This does not mean you have no feelings. It means your responses, your feelings and your choices are informed by what you believe. Is this person yelling situation a separate part of your experience from the conversation with the cosmos? Or is it your conversation with the cosmos, no exceptions?

. . .

Melanie Brockwell

I work with human trauma. My passion is caring for (and adding to) our animal rescue family.

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